Let Me In
by Monsieur Mimi
Summary: A Rociel and Katan story, set after an incident in Volume 3


My 14th fanfiction, yay! ^-^ 

This particular fanfic is set in Volume 3, shortly after Setsuna and Sara make love. As everyone who's read Volume 3 knows, when they do make love, Rociel starts to cry out and rip up a pillow. I've always been fascinated by that scene, and therefore decided to write a fanfic entailing an event that happened shortly after. There is some slash (male-male relationship), between Katan and Rociel, so if you have a particular aversion to slash then please don't read. However, don't worry, this is not a lemon, the worst thing is just a kiss.

Disclaimer: I do not own Angel Sanctuary. I do not own Rociel, Katan, Alexiel, Setsuna, Sara or Kirie. It is completely Kaori Yuki's and this is just a piece of fiction written by a fan of the series.

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Feathers. All across the cold floor, and on the sofa, feathers were scattered, from a jagged rip in a pillow, which lay, discarded on the floor. The room was empty, except for a figure, lying on the sofa, almost weak like a child. Long silver hair shadowed his delicate features, and his large, golden eyes, were shut, in obvious discomfort. The only light let into the room was from the large moon outside, and the very small crack of light, from the slightly open door.

A figure stood, watching the scene, his form barely casting a shadow into the room from his vantage point from outside the door (Seeing through only a small crack). Clad in a smart uniform, he was tall and lean. Katan watched Rociel, cautiously, as one would watch a wild animal. At the same time, Katan's heart ached. He had heard Rociel's cries earlier, and a furious ripping sound. But, being sensible, rather then reacting to the fear and concern in his heart, he checked outside the door to see if Rociel was wounded in any way, and if he needed immediate help. He had waited outside for minutes, always cautious when Rociel was like this.

Lost in his own thoughts, Katan's face was clouded. His heart suddenly jumped as he heard a noise from the room. A sob. A chocked and strangled sob, barely concealed… full of pain. Katan could almost hear his own heart tearing at that sound. Rociel barely cried, but Katan could not bear to leave him like this. The acute pain he felt, deep in his soul, whenever his master was emotionally fragile, hurt him more than any physical wound ever could, and it was a more deep pain now, ever since he had helped his master return.

On sudden impulse, Katan opened the door to the room, quietly as possible, his eyes never leaving Rociel's delicate form, curled on the sofa. A few lost tears trailed down porcelain cheeks. Katan approached him slowly, and as his footsteps echoed, Rociel suddenly looked up, with those huge, golden eyes, brimming with tears.

Katan faltered. He suddenly realized that he had planned nothing to say, and he wondered if Rociel would be angry. The silence was becoming uncomfortable, and Rociel… he looked so frail… like a small child. Katan would have given anything to hold him close, and comfort him. But he couldn't, not if Rociel would not let him. He suddenly stooped low, bowing.

"I'm sorry for disturbing you, Rociel-sama, but I was… worried. Are you alright?"

Katan lowered his head, his gaze resting upon the torn pillow. He wondered what had caused Rociel's sudden fit of anger, or pain… was it just his own insanity, torturing him again? Kirie was out somewhere, probably doing Rociel's work, though Katan did not have time to think about her just yet. His only thoughts were for the pale figure, lying on the sofa.

"Katan…" Rociel's voice was strong, and his tears had stopped. He wiped away the remaining trails upon his beautiful face, and he sat up. Katan immediately looked up at the mention of his name. "Come here… Katan. I want you to sit here."

Noticing the almost urgency in Rociel's voice, Katan immediately bowed, and came to the space on the sofa, sitting next to his master, cautiously. He sat, almost gingerly, on the very edge of the sofa, not leaning back for comfort, his hands resting by his sides. He avoided Rociel's gaze, his hair falling across his face and tickling his skin. He could still feel Rociel watching him, almost intently.

Feeling a need to break the silence again, Katan was the one who spoke first. Motioning to the split pillow and feathers all across the floor, he said: "I'll clean this up for you, Rociel-sama…"

"Not just yet" Rociel laid a hand on Katan's knee as Katan started to move to clear up. Katan stopped, and looked at Rociel. The tears had gone, but the lingering agony in his master's eyes still remained. Katan was worried. He felt his own heart start to hurt again. He felt himself trembling at the wonderful sensation of Rociel's hand upon his knee, and then he felt ashamed. He wondered if he wouldn't burst from all this emotion inside him, in the detestable silence.

Rociel let out a long, shaking sigh, and pulled his hand away from Katan. "M…my sister…" his voice shook, and he paused, moving a delicate hand to clutch at his forehead, keeling over so his upper body pressed against his legs, almost wincing. His eyes were shut, and tears started to brim again. His hair tumbled forward, hiding his face.

"Rociel-sama!" Katan threw all caution away in his concern, as he placed his hands around Rociel. "What's wrong, Rociel-sama? Are you in any pain? Rociel-sama!?" Rociel, still trembling, managed to release his grip on his forehead, and shakily, with Katan's help, sat back up again. The tears remained in his golden eyes and did not fall. His body was tired, and he leant against Katan, so that his head rested on the cherubim's shoulder.

"Sister…" his voice was a low murmur. Katan was unsure of what to do at first, but then Rociel continued. "With that child… She… I felt…" His voiced trailed off. Katan remained silent. "That worthless child's body… and she took it… held it…" He chocked, and the tears in his eyes fell, some landing on Katan's sleeve. "That worthless child over me… her brother… I don't…" His shoulders shook, and turning sideways, he buried his head in Katan's shoulder.

Katan did not know what to say. From Rociel's words, he had a vague idea of what happened, and the thought made his stomach churn. Especially as Rociel had said he had felt it. No wonder Rociel was in such a state tonight… weak and almost pathetic. Katan could not understand why anyone would not love him, why his sister would keep rejecting him, even in this form of her life, as that human boy. But Katan also knew, if Rociel continued to chase her in vain, it would lead to his downfall… and that concerned Katan more than he could bear.

He felt Rociel's tears wetting his shoulder. Gently, he raised his hand, and timidly he stroked Rociel's hair. That physical contact, was what Rociel seemed to need, and in response, he pulled his arms around Katan's waist, pulling the cherubim so he faced him, burying himself in a tight embrace as he wept quietly. Katan gently put his arms around his master's delicate form, and held him.

Eventually, Rociel lifted his tear-stained face, and lifted his head, so it was close to Katan's. Katan could feel Rociel's broken breaths, warm in the cold-night air, upon his cheek. Katan looked into Rociel's golden eyes, and could see his own eyes reflected there.

"What she felt…" Rociel whispered. "The happiness that she feels she can have… the happiness that is forbidden from me" His voice was so quiet, Katan could only just hear it. His heart pounded. He knew that he should just pull away… it was wrong… but he could never deny Rociel anything, not when Rociel's pain was so great. He felt Rociel's delicate hand slide up from his waist and onto his cheek. He felt his skin tingle where his master had touched.

"Katan…"

Rociel's lips gently pushed onto Katan's own, and Katan closed his eyes in the intense emotion he felt. He did not know what, or how to feel. Part of him, was crying out with bliss… an intense happiness… but he felt the pain, the frustration and the misery behind Rociel's actions. He knew that it was wrong. Rociel was emotionally fragile, and hurt, and wanted to release those feelings physically, as he thought his sister had done. Normally Rociel would inflict wounds upon Katan… and really, was this any different? Katan, the one closest to him, the one thing that he truly loved and the one thing that loved him in return… he couldn't express that… he couldn't grasp it, that he actually had someone, who loved him, who would die for him. And the love was not artificial, but real. So all he could do was respond to it with physical actions. Wounding him, and now… kissing him. In his insanity, he could not express his feelings on Katan in any other way.

But Katan could not pull away. Even if he could give Rociel this, this one moment of security, then… he would never pull away. And the one who did, eventually, was Rociel. 

Drawing his lips away from Katan's own, Rociel's face still remained close to Katan's, and his hand gently trailed down to Katan's top collar button on his uniform. The hand paused there, uncertain, unsure whether as to continue. Katan felt his breathing was too deep and uncomfortably loud.

"Rociel-sama…" 

It seemed to almost break the spell. Rociel suddenly recoiled from Katan as if Katan had burnt him, and he pushed away so he was at the far end of the sofa, his hair shadowing his face.

"Rociel-sama, are you alright?" Katan reached out to touch Rociel's shoulder.

Rociel slapped the hand. "Get out!" He started to cry. "Get out! I don't want you in here anymore! Leave my sight now!" He buried his face in his hands. "Get out! Get out!"

In a blind moment of hurt, Katan bowed quickly, trying to hide the tears that were forming in his eyes, and he hastily left the room, shutting the door behind him. Leaning against the doorframe, he tried to put together what had just happened in his mind.

That was Rociel… the one person that demanded love, demanded true loyalty, but for some reason, would never let anyone in. Would never allow anyone to truly love him. For it would make him vulnerable, and weak. Rociel didn't know how to handle love… he was like a small child… he couldn't react to these things in the right way, because he didn't know how. And his insanity was making him even worse.

Katan pressed himself against the door. "Its alright to let me in, Rociel-sama" he whispered.

There was no sound from within the room.

- FIN -


End file.
